Foresight warns you that confrontation may not be worth the potential result, which leads to avoidance. “[Someone who avoids confrontation] may feel that the relationship they have with the person provoking them is too valuable to damage with an argument,” https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/how-to-approach-a-person-who-prefers-avoiding-conflicts/ explains April Masini, a New York-based relationship and etiquette expert and author. “Not wanting to upset others is a common driver of conflict avoidance,” says Sherese Ezelle, L.M.H.C., a licensed behavioral therapist at One Medical.
I got a lot of kudos and positive reinforcement for “going along with the program” so that’s what I did for years (I also used heroin for many years, so you can see how that was working for me). Developing a better understanding of why you are hesitant to bring up an issue within your relationship may help you better express yourself to your partner, leading to more impactful conversations. Sometimes, a little self-reflection can provide significant insight into the core issues in your relationship and even into some of your most fundamental fears in life. Although the adverse impact of conflict avoidance can be seen across all genders in relationships, its effects can be particularly upsetting for women.
Effective Communication Strategies
It usually happens when one person does not want to face the conflict and chooses to focus on another problem instead. Getting burned before is a pretty quick way to teach you to avoid fights. “[Conflict-avoidant folks] learned the hard way that the stress of confrontation makes them uncomfortable, so they avoid it the way a kid who touches a hot stove learns not to do so in future,” Masini says. Someone who avoids confrontation may simply feel a fight isn’t worth the energy, which results in either walking away or changing the subject before it escalates. Analyzing a situation before it reaches a point of no return amounts to no wasted breath and no harm, no foul.
It can also negatively affect physical intimacy in a relationship. When two people avoid conflict, it can often lead to a decrease in https://ecosoberhouse.com/ physical intimacy. This happens because when two people are not communicating, they are not connecting on a physical level either.
Tips for better communicating with your partner
Author Natasha Bowman, JD, SPHR, noticed that her behavior changed as she dealt with the responses of family members and friends to her bipolar diagnosis. Conflict is an inevitable part of life and is not something that you need to avoid. You can assert yourself respectfully by explaining yourself clearly in a calm way. Illustrate your ideas with examples and make a point of acknowledging other people’s ideas as well. Be open to compromise and ask other people to elaborate on their opinions to gain new insight. If you’re holding on to grudges based on past conflicts, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired.
However, conflict, as a rule, should not be avoided or ignored. It is a chance to resolve disagreements and come to some sort of resolution. Leaving conflicts unresolved can lead to frustration and pent-up emotions.
Managing Conflict with Humor
Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can range from the need to feel safe and secure or respected and valued, to the need for greater closeness and intimacy. Good conflict, the kind that is healthy, pushes us to be better as people and communities.
- If you experience this, keep reading for information on how to deal with a conflict avoidant spouse.
- The best way to deal with conflict is to face it and face the problem.
- This is what’s known as “high conflict,” the kind that takes on a life of its own, and eventually, leaves almost everyone worse off.
- If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own needs.
Don’t try to force them to say things or express themselves when they are not ready. Avoiding conflict may harm your relationship because it may feel like your bond isn’t real. This can be stressful when you can’t talk to your partner about everything and work out differences or talk about your differing opinions.
